First night back

The first meeting after losing someone

Talking about what's happened with the group 

When you next meet after losing someone in your Scout Section or Group, young people may have lots of questions. 

When returning to Scouts after losing someone, it’s important to reflect on what’s happened and support everyone after the death of a young person or adult volunteer in Scouts.

It’s important to address what’s happened, talk about any concerns and acknowledge that things may currently feel upsetting, shocking, worrying distressing or different. 

After the loss of someone close to the Section or Group, it’s important, now more than ever, that as Scouts you rally around each other, show your Scout values and support one another.

If your next meeting is a Scout camp, district event or outside your normal meetings, you may want to plan a special, extra meeting or allow time at the start of the event to gather your Section or Group together to talk about what’s happened, reflect and support each other.

It’s important to talk to the group about what’s happened, while also to providing reassurance that you’re there to support them, and that while things will be different, this sort of thing doesn’t happen very often.

You might not be sure about how to speak about what’s happened. Here are some examples to support you, depending on the situation:

If someone in the group has died 

If someone in your group has died, we’ve put together two resources to help support you and your young people:

• Support for if an adult volunteer dies
• Support for if a young person dies

Informing parents and carers before the first meeting back after experiencing a loss 

It’s important to communicate clearly with parents/carers before the first meeting back to let them know what you’ll be covering, such as answering questions, remembering the person you lost, mental wellbeing, and possibly talking about grief and bereavement. 

You should make sure you let parents and carers know in advance so that they can feed back any questions and concerns before the meeting. They may want to talk to or prepare their young person.

Here’s an example of how to communicate your plans to parents/carers:

‘This week we’ll be returning to Scouts at the normal time of (BLANK). As you may know, we’re deeply saddened by the loss of a (BLANK) from our group. We know that the loss of (BLANK) has been a difficult, upsetting time for everyone and that (BLANK) will be missed deeply by us all, both as a Scout and as a friend. That’s why at the first meeting back, we’re going to be celebrating the life of (BLANK), reflecting on the fantastic contribution they brought to our Scout group and answering questions. 

We’ll have a quiet area for people to use if they need to step away from the session and everyone is welcome to bring any items of comfort, such as a teddy. We know this is a difficult time for us all and some of us may need extra support or time, so we’ll have information on further support if you need it available tonight, as well on the Scouts website.

If your young person has had another personal bereavement during this time, we know this might be an extra hard time for them. If you’re comfortable in doing so, please let us know so we can work with you and your young person to make sure you’re fully supported, and the group knows how best to help.’

Being informed of personal bereavements

Always make sure to have an approachable, open and comfortable environment, so people feel comfortable and assured in coming forward to let you know of their bereavement. 

You may want to include in the volunteer and young person starter packs a note, such as ‘Please let us know if you or your young person are unfortunately experiencing a personal bereavement, so we can work with you and your young person to make sure you’re fully supported during a difficult time and the group knows how best to help.’

If a family member, relative or close friend is informing you of a loss of their own child who’s a young member in your group or an adult who volunteers in your group, remember to offer condolences and support to them. You may want to send a card or flowers or small gift on behalf of your Scout Section or Group to show that they’re in your thoughts. 

You may want to ask when and how they’d like you to tell their friends in Scouts, such as other young people and volunteers, but remember to be patient, kind and concise. Remember, they may also wish for this information not to be shared and their wishes should always be respected. 

Over the coming weeks, you may want to think of ideas of if there’s anything you can do in the person’s memory, then share them with their loved ones at the right time to check that the ideas are OK to do. 

If it’s the loss of an adult volunteer, make sure to offer support and advice to other volunteers within the Section, Group, District, County, Region or local area, as they may be upset or affected by the loss.

If someone in the group has had a personal bereavement outside of Scouts

Bereavement is a highly personal and individual experience. There isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ approach to supporting someone who has been bereaved, so communicating with the person or parents and carers directly is exceptionally important. 

If someone has had a personal, private bereavement outside of Scouts, you should avoid talking about it unless the person wants to. You shouldn’t ask questions, but remain approachable, understanding and ready to listen if the person needs you.

During the first session back, the person may need to take breaks or have a safe, comfortable space to go to if they’re feeling upset. They may not know what might cause them to be upset or remind them of the person they lost and the feeling of loss or upset may be sudden and unexpected.

Depending on the loss, you may want to adapt your activities or plan for the first session back or for the term. For example, if someone has lost a father or father figure, you may want to change any plans you had to mark Father’s Day.

A person experiencing a bereavement may need some flexibility from Scouts, including in what they’re able to take on and do, as well as in how often they attend or how quick they are in their reply to emails and messages. Always be patient and understanding, offering unconditional support. 

If it’s an adult volunteer who’s lost someone, you may need to support them in their role, take on some of their responsibilities, or find parents and carers to step in to help at meetings for a few weeks.

How to help someone who is going through a personal bereavement

Always let them know that you’re there to listen if they want to talk to you about it. You won’t be able to solve their grief, but it’s important to be there and be ready to listen. You may wish to send a card to show your support.

Be accepting and understanding that someone might not be ready or might not want to talk about their loss or open up about their loved one. If someone doesn’t want to talk about their loss, never force them to, as you could make it worse or trigger panic attacks, anxiety and trauma.

You could share any memories, such as photos, you have of the person if you knew them, especially if they were involved with Scouts. You could help to find a way to help mark, reflect on and celebrate the person’s life. 

How to mark a personal bereavement with the group 

Someone who has faced a personal bereavement may not want the group to mark this or even talk about what has happened. For them, Scouts may be the only time their life has a sense of ‘normality’. 

However, other people may want to talk about or reflect on what has happened with the group and discuss it with their friends. They may want to celebrate the person’s life and share happy memories of them.  It’s essential to work with the person who has been bereaved to find out their preferences. 

Talk to and work with the person who’s been bereaved, along with the people they live with or are being supported by, before the first meeting back to decide if they want to talk about what’s happened or mark what’s happened with the group. 

If they’d like to mark what’s happened, you should all work together to decide on the most appropriate activity or way to do this.

If someone has faced a personal bereavement, make sure they know who they can speak to if they’re struggling and share the ‘Where to get further help and support’ contacts with them and the people they live with or are being supported by.

Where to get further help and support

If you or anyone in the group feels as though grief and sadness is impacting on daily life, talking to a GP can help. They may refer you to a local mental health support service or bereavement counselling.

Not everyone will want to speak to their GP and, for those who do, they may find there’s a long delay between seeking help and receiving it. 

There are lots of charities and organisations that support people going through bereavement or feeling anxious or upset.