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Don't define me

Talk about gender identity and gender expression, challenge how you perceive gender and think about how to tackle gender stereotypes.

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You’ll need

  • A4 paper
  • Pens or pencils
  • Coloured pens or pencils

Before you begin 

  • Use the safety checklist to help you plan and risk assess your activity. There’s also more guidance to help you carry out your risk assessment, including examples.
  • Make sure all young people and adults involved in the activity know how to take part safely.
  • Make sure you’ll have enough adult helpers. You may need some parents and carers to help.

Planning and setting up this activity

  • You could print out outlines of a person shape for people to use, instead of drawing their own.
  • You may want to set up tables, chairs, pens and paper before young people arrive. 
  • Some people may be in the process of questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity or may not have shared their identity with anyone. Make sure everyone knows they don’t have to share anything about themselves if they don’t want to. It’s important that everyone feels comfortable in this activity, as well as knowing how they can access support. 
  • Young people may share aspects of their identity that may be new to them, new to you or new to the rest of your group. This is a very brave thing to do, and it's extremely personal and different for everyone. Make sure you look out for these individuals and provide a safe and calm space for them to process their emotions. Make sure to model affirming responses to anything shared by your young people.
  • There's a range of labels young people and adult volunteers may use to describe their sexual orientation or gender identity. For example, asexual, pansexual, non-binary, or questioning. Take the time to research these, so you feel comfortable in your knowledge of them should a young person or adult want to discuss their sexual orientation or gender identity with you.
  • It's the responsibility of all adults in Scouts to help develop a caring and supportive atmosphere where bullying in any form is unacceptable. Look out for any signs of homophobic and/or transphobic bullying and language. See our guidance on preventing and dealing with bullying. You may want to create a zero-tolerance policy towards LGBTQ+ bulling or discrimination within your Section or Group rules.   
  • You may want to visit our LGBTQ+ pages to find out more about supporting LGBTQ+ members in Scouts. 

 

Talking about gender 

  1. Gather everyone in a circle. Explain that you’re going to be talking about gender, gender identity and gender stereotypes. 
  2. Tell everyone it’s OK if people want to keep some of what they write down or think private. Make sure everyone knows they don’t have to share anything about themselves if they don’t want to, any papers won’t be collected in and remind everyone you won’t be asking people to share their answers, unless they choose to share something themselves. Some people may have expressed something they can’t say aloud, so no-one should be forced to show others their work, talk about a topic or share anything they don’t want to or aren’t comfortable in sharing. It’s important that everyone feels comfortable in this activity, as well as knowing how they can access support and who they can speak to in confidence. They could talk to a trusted adult, or charities and organisations. Always follow the Yellow Card.  

 What’s gender identity? 

  1. Ask if anyone knows what gender identity is. 
  2. Explain that gender identity is how you identify and see yourself. Everyone gets to decide their gender identity for themselves. You may identify as a girl or a boy. If you don’t feel like a boy or a girl, you might identify as agender, genderqueer, non-binary or just as a person. You may choose not to use any specific term to define your gender identity, or you may use a term today that you decide later doesn’t fit. You’ve a right to identify however you want, and your identity should be respected. 
  3. Tell people that people can also question or feel unsure about their gender identity or find that their gender identity changes over time.
  4. Ask everyone to think about what they feel their gender identity is today. 
  5. People could take a piece of paper, draw an outline of a person and write, draw or collage on their gender identity if they choose to do so. Tell everyone you won’t be collecting these or asking people to share their answers.  

Types of gender identity descriptions

Some of the terms a young person might use to describe their gender identity include:  

  • Trans or transgender: this is when someone feels their gender is different from, or doesn't sit comfortably with, the sex they were registered at birth. 
  • Non-binary, gender diverse and genderqueer: these are umbrella terms for people whose gender identity doesn't sit comfortably as man or woman/girl or boy. Instead, they may identify with some aspects of one or both of these identities, or identify with neither. Additionally, some people may identify as genderfluid and see their gender as flexible, rather than a fixed identity.
  • Cisgender: this is when someone's gender identity is the same as the sex they were registered at birth.  

To learn more about specific terms and definitions, check out Stonewall’s list of LGBTQ+ terms.

 

What’s gender expression? 

  1. Ask if anyone knows what gender expression is. 
  2. Tell everyone that gender expression is how someone chooses to express their gender identity. This could be through the way they dress, the pronouns they use, how they have their hair, how we speak or how we act. 
  3. However, the way someone looks or dresses doesn't always reflect their gender identity. People will feel comfortable expressing their gender identity at different ages and in different ways.
  4. Ask everyone to think about how their expressing their gender today. Does it match their gender identity?
  5. Think about how we could make our gender expression match our gender identity. 
  6. People could take another piece of paper and staple it to the front of the gender identity sheet. They should again draw an outline of a person and write, draw or collage on their gender expression if they choose to do so. Again, tell everyone you won’t be collecting these, or asking people to share their answers.  

What’s a gender stereotype? 

  1. Ask if anyone knows what a gender stereotype is. 
  2. Explain a gender stereotype is a generalised view or preconception about attributes, or characteristics that are women and men should have. It can also be a generalised view or preconception of the roles, jobs and tasks that are or should be performed by men and women. Expectations regarding gender are communicated through every aspect of our lives, including family, culture, peers, schools, community, media, and religion. Gender roles and expectations are so ingrained in our culture that it’s difficult to imagine things any other way. 
  3. Masculinity and femininity are often equated with stereotypes and certain physical attributes, too. They may label us as more or less of a man or woman based on the degree to which those attributes are present. This gendering of our bodies affects how we feel about ourselves and how others perceive and interact with us.
  4. Gender stereotypes may make people have an idea of what someone will like, how they should look and what they should wear, what they should do at home, what their characteristics will be, what job they’ll want to or can do, what tasks they can do, what they’ll behave like, what they can’t do or how they will act based on whether they’re a boy or girl, though it might not actually be true. For example, people may think only boys can do DIY and only girls can go to dance lessons, but this simply isn’t true – anyone can do either of these things, no matter what their gender is.
  5. Gender stereotypes can be positive or negative. However, the idea of a ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ stereotype is complicated and subjective. 
  6. Explain that someone may be proud or comfortable with an identity or aspect of self that is associated with their gender, and they may experience that as positive. Someone else may experience that same aspect about themselves as something that is negative and limiting. Any stereotype whether it’s something that most would interpret as ‘positive’ can be experienced as limiting or confining by others.
  7. Now, ask everyone to look at their gender identity and gender expression sheets. Looking at what they’ve written, they should think about anything about their gender identity or gender expression that may be positive or negative gender stereotypes to them. They could also identify anything that might ‘break’ or go against gender stereotypes for their gender identity. 
  8. If anyone feels comfortable doing so, they should share either a few things they’ve written or drawn on their paper and how many (the total number) that broke a gender stereotype.  

What’s perceived gender?

  1. Ask if anyone knows what perceived gender is. 
  2. Explain that perceived gender is the gender someone else thinks you are or sees you as, based on your appearance, behaviour, expression, other gender related characteristics, or the sex assigned to you at birth or identified in documents.
  3. How your gender is seen by others may change depending on the people you’re around, society’s ideas of gender, people’s individual opinions and stereotypes, faiths and beliefs, the media and news, your location or even the year you’re in. 

How do people attribute our gender? 

  1. Ask everyone to think about how someone may perceive your gender today. Would they use your gender expression? How else may people perceive our gender? 
  2. Ask everyone to think if people used our gender expression to perceive our gender, would people’s perceptions of our gender expression be based on gender stereotypes? For example, perceiving someone as a girl because they’ve got long hair and stereotypically girls have long hair.
  3. Ask everyone to think what other stereotypes might people have from our perceived gender or gender expression? For example, if you perceive someone as a boy, you might think they are good at DIY, know about cars, or like superheroes because that’s what boys are stereotyped as. 
  4. Ask people to think if someone perceived our gender, would it match our gender identity today?
  5. Tell everyone that gender is something adults came up with to sort people into groups. Many people think there are only two genders, girls and boys, but this is not true. There are many ways to be a boy, a girl, both, or neither.
  6. Ask if anyone has ever been or felt stereotyped just because of their perceived gender or gender expression, such as being told what they should wear or what they should like. For example, they may have been told to wear a skirt or dress because they’re seen as a girl, been bought a toy dinosaur because they’re seen as a boy, they may be told to have short hair because they’re seen as a boy, or they may have been told to like princesses, pink and mermaids because they’re seen as a girl. 
  7. Ask how it feels when stereotypes don’t fit.
  8. Remind everyone that anyone of any gender can take part in or wear anything, as long as they’re happy. Sports, games, hobbies, jobs, characters, clothes, films, music, TV shows and books can be for anyone and shouldn’t be used to define someone’s gender. This is why it’s important to not attribute someone’s gender based on their gender expression or stereotypes – we need to focus on getting to know the true person and celebrate. 

Tackling gender perceptions and stereotypes 

  1. Ask everyone if it’s it OK when stereotypes don’t fit us? The answer is yes!
  2. Ask everyone why should tackle gender stereotypes, gender perceptions, or stereotypes telling us about things for ‘boys’ and ‘girls’? Remind everyone that stereotypes are harmful because they take a simple idea and try to say it works for everyone in a group.
  3. Tell everyone that perceiving people’s genders based on their gender expression (so what they look, act or sound like) is harmful too. By making assumptions about other people’s gender identity based on their gender expression we can make it harder for people to be themselves and to like what they like.
  4. Ask everyone if there’s anything you could all do at Scouts to tackle gender stereotypes or gender perceptions to make people feel more comfortable with their gender identity and gender expression and write down everyone’s ideas. 
  • The misuse of gender as a negative is common, such as ‘like a girl’ or ‘man up.’ This can again be damaging for self-esteem and emotional development. This wording shouldn’t be used and we should speak up against gender stereotyped bullying and language. 
  • Try not to assume what people like just by gender stereotypes, such as boys liking football and dinosaurs and girls liking mermaids and princesses. 
  • Support every young person’s interest, no matter what their interests are, to show the young people you respect them. You could have a series of hobbies sharing night, so everyone can feel comfortable to be or share their true self.
  • Young people need to feel comfortable playing whichever sports or games, liking whichever colours or animals, or using whichever toys and fancy dress they’d prefer. 
  • Use lots of different colours for things, rather than using the colours blue and pink to define girls and boys, such as on certificates or prizes.
  • Try to use neutral language, where possible, such as ‘firefighter’, ‘humankind’ or ‘camera operator.’
  • Try to use more gender neutral, inclusive language. You can say ‘partner’ instead of ‘husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend’ and use ‘everyone’ instead of ‘boys and girls.’.
  • Avoid categorising the group into boys and girls for activities, such as getting young people to line up boy, girl, boy and so on.
  • Try to have a non-gendered camp packing list or uniform list to include all members, particularly those who are trans or non-binary. 
  • Provide mixed-gender (also known as ‘gender neutral’) toilets wherever possible. This may be labelling one toilet, or an accessible toilet, as gender neutral.
  • Be open minded and try not to make assumptions about someone’s sexuality or gender identity. 
  • Know, find out and share ways young people can access support, such as via posters. 

Reflection

Before this reflection, make sure everyone knows they don’t have to share their thoughts, opinions or anything about themselves if they don’t want to. It’s important that everyone feels comfortable in this activity, as well as knowing how they can access support and who they can speak to in confidence. They could talk to a trusted adult, or charities and organisations., always following the Yellow Card. 

This activity was all about gender identity and gender expression. Did anyone know what gender identity or gender expression were before this session? Has it made people think about what gender identity or gender expression they may have themselves? Has it made people feel more comfortable about themselves to be able to discuss this topic? 

Did anyone learn anything new about themselves? How about other people? How did it feel to think about your identity or share your identity with everyone if you chose to do so? What ways can we help other people make their identities feel valued and welcome, without judgement?   

Tell everyone that it can be hard to go against gender stereotypes and gender perceptions. It might mean going against what other people might think, even if what they think isn’t true, or lead to some people. However, we should never judge someone, or what they might like, what they should look like or what they can do, based on their gender. 

Did anyone know what gender stereotypes or gender perceptions were before this session? Has it made people think about what gender stereotypes or perceptions they may have themselves? Does anyone feel they break any gender stereotypes themselves? As a group, how did we think we could tackle gender stereotypes or gender perceptions? 

Safety

All activities must be safely managed. You must complete a thorough risk assessment and take appropriate steps to reduce risk. Use the safety checklist to help you plan and risk assess your activity. Always get approval for the activity, and have suitable supervision and an InTouch process.

You must run your activities in line with the Safeguarding Code of Conduct for Adults (Yellow Card) and report any concerns to the UK HQ Safeguarding Team.

Make it accessible

All Scout activities should be inclusive and accessible.

Beavers My World Challenge Award
Cubs Our World Challenge Award
Scouts World Challenge Award

If anyone can think of any gender stereotypes they’ve seen, why not write a letter or speak up and try to change them as a group? 

You could design posters to help people challenge their own gender perceptions to put up in the local community.