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Kind or unkind jars

Decide if actions are kind or unkind and reflect on feelings.

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You’ll need

  • Two jars (or boxes or buckets)
  • One small token per child (such as beads, buttons, coins or pom-poms)
Guidance for volunteers (Healthy Relationships research)
PDF – 61.7KB
Download Guidance for volunteers (Healthy Relationships research)

Before you begin

  • Use the safety checklist to help you plan and risk assess your activity. There's also more guidance to help you carry out your risk assessment, including examples.
  • Make sure all young people and adults involved in the activity know how to take part safely.
  • Make sure you’ll have enough adult helpers. You may need some parents and carers to help.

Healthy Relationships research

This activity is part of our Healthy Relationships research. Please read the attached guidance for volunteers before running the activity.

Make sure you've got consent from the parents or carers of all young people taking part, using the Participant Information Sheet and Consent Form you’ve been given.

For each scenario, you'll need to note whether most or all of the group thought it was ‘kind’ or ‘unkind’, or if their responses were mixed.

When you've completed the activity, please share your feedback and your group’s responses using this form.

Submit your feedback and group's responses

 Planning and setting up this activity

  • For this activity, you'll need to label one jar (or box or bucket) “kind” and the other “unkind”.  
  • You’ll also need to have the list of scenarios to hand, and something to take notes with. 
  • Some parts of this activity may trigger emotions or personal experiences for young people. It’s important to be aware that discussions about friendships and relationships can sometimes bring up feelings of sadness, frustration, or discomfort. That’s why it’s important to create a supportive space where everyone feels comfortable and to keep an eye on how each young person is coping. If you have a concern about a young person, always follow the Safeguarding Code of Conduct (Yellow Card) and report it to the UK HQ Safeguarding Team.

Running this activity

  1. Gather everyone together and ask what they think makes someone kind or unkind. Can they think of any examples from their own life? 
  2. Explain that today they will decide whether different statements or situations are kind or unkind. Something kind is something that makes you feel happy and safe. Something unkind might make you feel hurt or sad. 
  3. Place your two jars, labelled "kind" and "unkind", in a space in the room. This could be inside your circle. Then, give everyone a token. 
  4. Read each of the following scenarios out loud and give the group time to think about whether it is kind or unkind, and put their token in one of the jars. Remind them that it’s okay to make a different choice from others and that everyone’s opinion matters. 
    1. Helping a friend tie their shoes
    2. Laughing when someone trips
    3. Sharing your crayons
    4. Saying “you can’t play with us”
    5. Saying thank you
    6. Knocking over someone’s tower
    7. Helping someone who’s fallen down
    8. Shouting at someone
    9. Telling someone to stop talking because you can’t hear the teacher
    10. Taking the last biscuit without asking
    11. Helping tidy up, but only your own things
    12. Telling an adult that someone isn’t following the rules
    13. Borrowing someone’s toy without asking, but you’re planning to give it back
    14. Helping someone even though they said “I can do it myself.” 
  1. After they have put their token in a jar, ask why they chose it. Talk about any differences in choices and what people noticed. 
  2. Count how many tokens are in each jar and record the results. Celebrate that everyone made a choice and keep the activity moving so it stays fun and interesting. 
  3. When all the scenarios are finished, sit everyone in a circle and ask if there were any situations where everyone agreed or any that were harder to decide. 
  4. Finally, ask them if there are any kind actions they already do every day, and if there is anything they might try doing in the future. 

Reflection

This activity helped you think about what makes someone kind or unkind and how actions can affect other people’s feelings. By deciding whether a scenario was kind or unkind and placing your token in the jar, you practised thinking about how your choices and the choices of others can make people feel happy, safe, or hurt.

Think about the scenarios and your choices. Were any easy or obvious? Were any harder to decide? Did anything surprise you about what your friends chose or why they made their choice?

Talking about the scenarios helps you see that different people can feel differently about the same action. Placing your token, walking to the jar, or pointing lets you show your ideas in a way that works for you. By reflecting on kind and unkind actions, you can notice small ways to be helpful and thoughtful every day, and start to think about new ways to make your friends, family, and community feel happy and safe. 

Safety

All activities must be safely managed. You must complete a thorough risk assessment and take appropriate steps to reduce risk. Use the safety checklist to help you plan and risk assess your activity. Always get approval for the activity, and have suitable supervision and an InTouch process.

You must run your activities in line with the Safeguarding Code of Conduct for Adults (Yellow Card) and report any concerns to the UK HQ Safeguarding Team.

  • To make this activity easier, you could use only very clear examples of kind and unkind actions, or give extra time for the young people to think about each scenario. You could also read the scenarios aloud more than once, provide visual prompts, or model one or two examples first to show what a kind or unkind action might look like. Another option is to let the children place their tokens quietly at the jar while giving gentle guidance, so they feel confident about their choice.
  • To make this activity harder, you could place the jars on opposite sides of the room and ask the young people to move to the jar that matches their choice. This adds a physical element and encourages them to commit to their decision. You could also ask them to come up with their own examples of kind or unkind actions, or discuss why a scenario might feel different to different people.
  • This activity can be adapted to suit different needs and abilities. For those who are quieter or less confident, allow them to take turns placing their token into the jar rather than all at once. This gives them time to think and reduces pressure.
  • Young people who find it difficult to make a choice quickly can be given extra time to consider the scenario, or they can point to the jar or hold up their token instead of walking to the jar.
  •  When reading the scenarios, always face the group and speak slowly and clearly, repeating instructions if necessary. Use simple, concrete language and visual cues, such as showing the token, pointing to the jars, or using gestures to help explain the scenario.
  • Encourage young people to ask for clarification if they are unsure, and reassure them that it’s okay to make a different choice from their friends. 
  • Maintain a supportive and calm environment, emphasising that there are no wrong answers. Positive reinforcement and gentle encouragement can help everyone feel included and confident to participate in a way that suits them. 

All Scout activities should be inclusive and accessible.